The Difference

I may have been born and raised in Littleton, Colorado, but I'd say that I really and truly grew up in the Florida Keys. I had great parents who taught me all the essentials to survive, as well as some of the extras to let me enjoy it. I wouldn't say that I was spoiled materially, but I most certainly was emotionally and personally. 

I was young in Colorado. We all are young, and we constantly mature at different points in our lives. At 17 we can officially see R rated movies, and are typically upper-classmen in our schools. At 18 we are legally recognized as adults amongst US society, and feel that it is our right to live the way we want. At 20 we are no longer teens. At 21 we can do anything, and go anywhere. At 23 we typically are falling into our own lives, no longer dictated by school, training, major milestones, and are ACTUALLY expected to act like a "grown-ass adult". At 23 we are no longer able to really play off the young and inexperienced card, though many people at least 5 years older will hold "only 23" against us. At 25, it's no holds barred. At 25 you can rent a car, you should have voted at least once, and therefore are a "fully functioning" member of society, no matter how burnt out, irresponsible, how many couches you've surfed or any sort of other evasion to the norms of civilization you've played out. 

I crossed all of these milestones while at the camp in Florida. I turned 18 as a participant. I held birthdays 19-25 at the camp as an employee or employer. I watched participants and employees come through the camp and go through similar milestones. I watched and integrated myself as a liaison between the 14-21 year old participants, and the 20-something counselors, and the 25-93 year old Adult "Leaders". (Yes, I put leaders in quotes, and for good reason)

At the camp I was exposed to different cultures, beliefs, ideals and especially experiences. None that I could have experienced and lived through in my Denver settings. If you've ever had the opportunity to not only guide and decide the fate of the President of a company such as Nabisco, or a Senator for their week with you, and remove their phones and watches and make them take the back seat to a 14-16 year old, you would witness the deconstruction of most of the social conditioning we're all used to as well. 

While living on a remote island, and living like Robinson Crusoe or the kids from Lord of the Flies, lacking any electronic, piece of technology, no watches, no running water, just you, a tent, and all the toys to utilize all that the Florida Keys has to offer, certain things come into perspective. That C.E.O. and that Senator are no different than the 14 year old from Dubuque, Iowa. Everyone is trying to survive that next day, and enjoying the waters, the scenery, the fish all the same. It didn't matter that it was noon, especially when you had a 5 foot Black Tip Reef Shark on the end of the fishing line; we would eat when we were tired and hungry. 

I had been taught a quote while I was down there, that my Program Director had passed along year after year, and helped put us all in perspective of what we were doing there. "The Difference Between Ordeal and Adventure, is Attitude". 

However, that quote helps with virtually every aspect of life. I know that to be true, as I have utilized it in everything I do since. Of course it's easy to relay the message when talking about the physical adventure at the camp, kayaking for 5 miles in the ocean, in prime conditions taking only 2-3 hours, but in poor conditions taking up to 8 hours. Keeping a positive mentality is trying, but makes the 8 hours so much easier to deal with. 

When tackling any task before you, think about all of those you have done previously. Were you not able to breeze through the projects and experiences that you were really looking forward to? Then there are the ones that you dread that never seem to end. You get frustrated and upset over stupid little things when your doing something you don't really want to, but you know you have to. But, you seem to lose all track of time, and find yourself at the end of the adventure when you couldn't wait to partake in that activity. 

We go out for the night with friends that we have been looking forward to for either hours or days, and that night seems to all of a sudden come to the end, when you're being kicked out at closing, and everyone is having to leave. But, when you just aren't feeling going out that night, and you begrudgingly tag along because you had made previous promises, you look at your watch hours later, praying "Dear Lord let this be the end of the night." only to discover that 30 minutes have passed since you last looked. 

Finding that one thing that makes the mundane, and the "ordeals" excitable, and changed into an "adventure" will make it easier for you. Maybe that thing is the end, the light at the end of the tunnel. But, knowing that every step you take towards it is going to help. 

I used to feign excitement and enthusiasm with some of my kids at the camp that either I just wasn't feeling, or when I had been going for 2 and a half months, and was ready for a break. In doing so, the energy and enthusiasm from the kids would build, and then in turn, I would become recharged, and before I knew it, we were ending that day, and passing out. 

I still play this game to this day. I will continue to feign energy and enthusiasm, so as to recharge those around me. This is my own way of controlling the chaos. I also always look for the humor in everything. Think about the ironies, the contradictions, the surroundings that are all interacting and intertwining to make where you are the greatest playground, and the most elaborate setting you could even imagine. You're not making any of it up, but when you start to see just how "funny" everything is, it's quite inspiring to keep going with everything. 

So you're having a bad day, so what? Keep dwelling on that and see how better that day gets. Slough it off while watching your surroundings, you'll probably end up seeing some sight-gag that will let you know that you're not alone in the bad day department. Keep an eye out for all of the little things that make life great. You may find yourself seeming laughing at people, but it's not really the person you're laughing at, it's their interaction with the rest of the community that is so off kilter that becomes enlightening. 

For example, you see the homeless guy, roughly 6'4", dressed in a pair of short shorts, that let his frilly thong hand out of the top with the pink tank top that was designed by and for Miley Cyrus. Topped off with a pair of beaten flip flop sandals. Of course, he's being accosted by either the police, or the store owner he's trying to finagle something from. You find yourself laughing at the train wreck before you. But it's not that he's got a style to him that would make a professional stylist vomit, and a blind man just say "no"; just as it's not the fact that he being accosted in such a manner than reminds you of an old cartoon where all you hear is "gumble grumble, arrreahaghghearr" "mahnanamanahamanhamaha" with fists shaking in the air, and people raising themselves on their toes. Ok, actually, that's exactly why you're laughing. This guy is having such a day, that people have resorted to dealing with him as if he were a 1950's cartoon character. It's not him, it's not them, it's life. Welcome to the adventure. 

I make light of a lot of situations, namely to keep everyone on a seemingly same page. Have you ever argued with someone about music? You can't do it. I hate country music, but it's the most popular genre of music on the planet. As a whole, country music has more sales in it's category world wide than any other genre. Obviously people enjoy it. But, as soon as you tell a person that their opinion is wrong, you have now pushed a button that no longer allows for sanity, civility, or coherent thought processing. 

We wonder why religious groups have such a hard time accepting certain ways of life, and particular groups of people, and why there have been wars for 1000's of year. People are taught and ingrained to believe what they will. They will stand for what they believe to be great and what they want to be right. It is their way of life.

I try not to argue with people, ever. This is partially because I'm not confrontational. I don't want to fight, I don't want to have negativity around me. This is also because I am incredibly stubborn, bull headed, prideful, and competitive. I have to win. If I argue with someone, I will never fully admit defeat. I may leave it at "well that's your point of view, and I can appreciate that" but that doesn't mean that I feel you won. I just didn't lose. I mean this in the sense of Lady Gaga, politics, religion, etc. 

But, as I try to keep everything with an open mind and eye, to keep the adventure going, I am also on the belief that "You Can't Take Life Too Seriously, No One Gets Out Alive". I hope by now everyone has realized that I don't mean that negatively, but in an embrace life as it is, and enjoy it! Wasting time on being all too serious where you don't need to be, only makes you miss out on all the greatness that is out there. 

If I make a comment about how I can't stand Lady Gaga Fanatics, I'm not saying I don't like Lady Gaga. I'm tired of her music, and I'm really tired of the people that put her music before their own flesh and blood. But, that's also my thoughts on the subject. Out of the 2 sentences I just wrote, you shouldn't be upset with that remark and or stance, but actually should be laughing at the fact that you can see someone thinking "Lady Gaga concert or birth of my first born child? Shit! Why do I have to choose?!". This is the comedy that is life. 

I can fill up another 3 paragraphs with cliches and quotes that are ridiculous, and that you'll love or hate. But, I've already droned on and on for way too long. So, I sign off with this posting as I really wanted to:

Remember that The Difference Between an Ordeal and an Adventure is Attitude and to take that with the stride that Don't Take Life Too Seriously, No One Gets Out Alive. Simply enjoy it all, laugh with it all. Love  what you want, but try to at least listen to where the others are coming from. 

By seemingly Popular Demand: Me, unabridged

In my previous posting, I had mentioned that my past, and the Adam that became Jeremy wasn't particularly glamourous nor anything that anyone really wanted to read about. I had also assumed that people were really that interested in much of what I had to say, but would rather have just kept up with me on my On-Screen antics and play-time. I have been met with enough opposition to that belief that I fully filled the "Assumption Prophecy" and made an Ass of Me. (I know that's not grammatically correct, but it goes with the joke).

I realize now that my skipping over the details of the past, also prohibits a lot of you knowing how to read my postings in their true nature, and also in especially understanding me and my mindset and motives. 

This is probably going to be a very long posting, and I apologize for that in advancement, but, since I can hold my breath for quite a while, sometimes I gotta let it all out and be long winded. 

Through previous interview and interactions you can and do see that I had grown up in Littleton, Colorado, and then spent a great deal of time in the Florida Keys working for the Boy Scouts of America before taking on the career and adventures that you all have come to know me for and by. Well, let's fill in some of the gaps, answer a few of the questions, clue you in to a few of my quirks, qualms, and personal secrets. 

We'll start off by skipping some of the mundane "I was born a poor black boy..." jokes, and all. I was born in Denver, after my parents were transfered to the city a couple months before I was born. So, for those of you that know the rivalry between Denver and (seemingly the rest of the country) Texas, I was almost a born and raised Dallas boy. Though, my parents are both from the midwest and northeast. I am a Leo, as I was born Aug 17. However, if you can, pleas let me know about the whole astrology thing, I don't understand it at all, but know that I fulfill some of the manifesto, just as I am a polar opposite of it as well. 

I was raised primarily Catholic, as my Dad had really pushed for us to follow in his family's lead with that belief system. My mother is Protestant, but is not a regular church attendee. There had been time throughout my childhood that I was tested to see if I could handle certain situations, media, pop culture and the like. For the most part, because the skeleton warriors in Willow scared the hell out of me, I was left to PG only, and typically Disney movies for quite some time. Cursing was not allowed, and after I took to the boy across the street as my best friend, and his family's devout Lutheran beliefs, there was no sexuality allowed around any of us. You could say that I was a bit sheltered from a lot, and especially since my family didn't discuss anything that could be controversial, risque or "dirty", I was left to find out about all of it on my own.

My childhood consisted of all the neighborhood mothers working out of the homes, typically for the fathers own business, or dictation for the local hospital, while all the kids "terrorized" the neighborhood. We were all kicked out after breakfast, and essentially locked out of our own homes for the rest of the day. One house a day would be the designated "Bathroom and Lunch" house for the day. However, all the kids were left to their own devices to entertain themselves. Ninja Turtles, the neighborhood pool, street ball of any sort, kid friendly games kept us all entertained. 

I grew up on the swim team, and riding my bike all around. I played T-Ball, but lost interest, as well as Soccer. I played basketball with the neighborhood kids, in our driveways, but was never interested in really being part of one of those teams. So, I guess you could say that I'm not really a "Team Player" (hmm, go figure)

My parents divorced when I was 12. I know, shocking. But, what may actually shock you a bit, is that I was ready for it and I wanted it for them. No, neither of them were drunks; in fact I'd never seen them drink except for a glass of wine with Christmas dinner only. No, there was no physical abuse. And, no, there was no infidelity. They simply were two personalities and people that didn't get along. There were fights, though more like angry debates. I knew that they weren't healthy together, and that it was a clash almost every night. I also had a handful of friends that had divorced parents, and were doing alright, so I knew that it would be a better option and household for all of us for them to divorce.

As a result, I kind of inadvertently had to grow up a bit more, and be responsible for my siblings. My little sister is 18 months younger than I am, and we got along, so she was easy. But my little brother is 4 years younger, and was ADHD. "Babysitting" them after school and during school vacations wasn't hard, but I definitely wasn't the Class clown that I had been prior. I made sure all was as it was supposed to be, relatively, and that dinner was on the table. Though, my parents were ALWAYS at dinner with us. There was no lack of parents present in our lives at all. In fact, my dad had even become more involved because of the divorce you could say. 

I did go to Littleton public schools, and was a junior that fateful day on April 20, 1999. I was at a different high school though. I knew people at Columbine, but not anyone that you would have heard of from the tragedy. 

My growing up in Littleton was not a hard one, by any means, though some people will tell me otherwise. I don't particularly think I had it easy, I had to get myself to and from school. I earned my own spending money, and had a minimal allowance. I bought my own car, and paid for all of my own activities. But, food was always provided, my family life was loving, nurturing and caring. I had to get myself through everything, and in fact, did so typically through my bicycle. That being said, I would definitely say that I was a bit naive and sheltered from a lot of life's "curve-balls". 

I joined the Boy Scouts when I was 9, as a result of my dad always telling me about the canoeing trips he used to take on the Minnesota/Canadian border. They had intrigued me enough to join a program I knew nothing about, other than that was my means of going on that adventure. Throughout my tenure as a Scout I had learned survival skills and chivalry, leadership and teamwork and I had learned about people from all over the country at camps through interactions with them, just as I had also learned to accept everyone no matter who they were. Contrary to some popular belief, there was no "Anti-" anything propaganda surrounding me or my fellow Scouts. I had never been told to dislike or not accept anyone for whoever they were, or whatever they believed in. I was told to stay away from drugs, that was it. 

I had a couple of my firsts while as a scout: My first night away from home. My first introduction to cussing being accepted. My first experience getting stoned (ironically at the Air Force Academy). It was also my first experience with pornography. I had learned quite a bit, and actually had my eyes opened, you could say, to how people lived they're lives outside of my own family and neighborhood. I was introduce, at least through conversation with my peers, as to how a lot of things were that were taboo amongst my "good" upbringing. Of course I had heard of all of the taboos and bad things, in the sense that it was told to me "Don't Do That", but actually having the conversation and hearing what everything was all about made so much more sense to me. 

I worked my way through high school as well, holding various jobs as a Subway Sandwich Artist, a Lifeguard and Swim Instructor and as a Host and Server for On the Border. I had the stresses that came with all that is high school and the petty bullshit that we thought was World Ending. My hair had started graying as a result. I stressed about girls, and grades, classes, work and things that any 17 and 18 year old kid worries about.  Of course, little did I know that I was doing everything right, just the hard way. 

I skated through high school, entering my senior year with a 1.8 GPA. No, this wasn't because I struggled with classes, though a mild dyslexia didn't help, but rather because I really hated doing the busy work that is Homework. I excelled in classes that relied on hands-on and in class tests, and bombed those that were worksheet and homework driven. I may have taken the most classes of any Senior classman my senior year, but I also had one of the highest GPA that year. Though, even I'd have slapped myself if I couldn't have excelled in Jewelry, Ceramics, Swimming, SCUBA, Weightlifting, Economics, Advanced Algebra, Keyboarding, Creative Writing and Teacher's Aid for the English Department. 

My first attempt at college was thwarted by a lack of finances. Apparently you have to pay tuition for that semester to count. Thank you AIMS Community College in Greeley, Colorado. Though, the experiences I had received from living with 10 girls in a house divided into 4 apartments, and the experience to be away from my family, whom I was semi fighting with constantly with my "I'm 18, which means a grown-ass adult, and you can't control me" mentality, was something that taught me I can survive anywhere, anytime. I literally lived off a package of spaghetti noodles for 4 month, and peanuts from Texas Roadhouse. 

After essentially being kicked out for always having trouble getting rent on time, I moved home, and went back to work at On The Border. But, come late Spring, I was given an opportunity to work as a counselor at a camp I had attended the previous summer with the Boy Scouts. Reluctantly, actually, I accepted. I had never really been that far away from home, and all of my friends, and thrown into a situation where I knew no one, nor really my surroundings. I had always lived in Colorado. I had been to Florida a couple times, but in Tampa, and barely remembered the trips. I had enjoyed the camp, as a last hurrah as a participant, and a send off to my adulthood, but I had never actually wished and hoped to work for the Scouts. 

For 4 months, I lived in the Florida Keys, on a remote island, 5 miles off shore in the Atlantic Ocean, and was introduced to 13 crews of coeds, ages 14-21 from every corner of the country. We had lived Robinson Crusoe/Lord of the Flies style, essentially. The kids were in charge, and I was there to guide them safely through the week. We fished for Dolphin (Mahi Mahi, not Flipper). we snorkeled in the 2nd most dived spot in the world. We kayaked and canoed, and cooked and camped, and loved every minute of it. On our days off the island, we were a mere half hour drive from Key West, and became quite familiar with the bars and restaurants, and the tourists. 

I had learned through the camp, that there are times to be stressed, but for the most part, you just have to go with it. Expect the Unexpected. I learned to go with it, and to not stress, and to just enjoy life. You accomplish so much more. I'm not saying that you should just give up and let everything take the course that you feel you're on, but to rather not fret about the negative. 

I had returned to the camp two years later, with a new Program Director in charge, and had learned and had so much more fun, actually pushing the kids to partake in all the available activities, as well as create their own. I had also learned one of the best quotes and mantra's to ever describe what it is that I had learned at the camp before: The Difference Between Ordeal and Adventure is Attitude. Look at the bad that's happening with a renewed vigor, and with the knowledge that it didn't work that way, and use that to make it work better the next time. You also have an easier way of dealing with people and situations when you are calm and collected, and actually kind of enjoy the chaos. Ironically, with this mindset, you get to control the chaos so much more. Try it. 

There was a lot of growing up I had done over the 8 years that I worked at and for the camp. I had also returned to Denver a few times, typically in the school year cycle. Denver during college semester, Florida for all the breaks. This typically meant I spent about half a year in each, broken up. While at the camp I had obtained my Captain's License and had taken over a bit as management. In Denver I had tried college a few more times through various schools and degrees, all failing when I decided that wasn't my calling. 

I had dated a few girls in the mean time, and actually had a few long-lasting relationships. One was a 2 year roller coaster where we officially weren't actually anything. The other, I moved her to Denver for me, after a couple years of dating on and off. I had dated older, younger, marketing and sales women, girls hooked up by friends, and watched several relationships amongst others grow, blossom, fizzle, explode, end happily ever after and anything else that you can think of. I had hit milestones, as well as watched my peers cross them, if not others. Of course my "deal breakers" list is a composite of the most common attributes that didn't work for me, or people like me in so many ways. Though, as they always say, never say never.

Throughout all of this I had kept my eyes open and learned as much as I could about everyone, not just personally, but in their upbringing and history as well. I had learned about the more liberal of people, and the more conservative. I had learned of the prejudice and the entirely accepting. I had learned to be more accepting myself, and to not always go with what I'm told. This wasn't just a "I'm a control freak, you can't tell me what to do", but just a general insight into making things easier for all around me. 

After leaving the Boy Scouts, I tried working in Radio, thinking that my love for how music controls the mood and minds of so many in whatever context you may desire, was where I was supposed to be. Unfortunately, I also discovered that when I'm caged in a cubicle and in the studio, I hate my life. I need my ambiance and my surrounding to be aesthetically appealing. Because of this, I also need my people around me to be appealing. This doesn't mean that physically they have to be a cover model, but they do have to be smiling. A smiling person is always so much more beautiful. When you're bored, upset, disgruntled or anything other than happy, that energy brings everyone down. Working with the kids at the camp, when I was dragging, and worn out, and not particularly happy, I would feign enthusiasm and energy and amp the kids up so that I could feed off that as well. 5 minutes of that for me, and they could let me ride the coattails all day long. I use the same tactics when I talk about more serious subjects, or controversial, or personal, where a lot of people hold their own beliefs, or where they have a different stance, or where they have nothing to really interject and thus become bored. My joking around, isn't to mock and make light of the situation at hand, but it is meant, with all hope, to keep you and everyone around in a lighter mood, to see everyone's opinion. 

Also, after leaving the Boy Scouts, and making the full circle, I decided that it was time that I started to shoot for goals and dreams that I had always wanted to. I had always thought about porn, so I jumped in, where I could. But, that's in several other interviews and outlets, so I won't drone on here about that. 

That really kind of brings us up to where you are now, hopefully still, watching and reading about me. I will go into details on certain parts of my life upon request. I will address more questions and personal traits. I will elaborate about certain beliefs and teachings. But, for now, this is kind of where I came from, and who I am. Yes, I had specifically mentioned that I dated girls in the past, and even in here I actually gave them a gender. Something I usually don't do. But, that's because that's what they are. My exes pre-porn days were girls. When I entered porn, and was asked about my sexual orientation, I had been quite specific about my pursuant of women. But, that was the beginning. Dating, and all it's technicalities is another novel for another time. 

On that note, I bid you all a great day. I will be posting a whole lot more in the near future. Hoping to maybe get something up once a day. 

XXXOO

Jeremy

Addressing some of the Current Controversies

For those of you that have been following me, reading about me, watching me, have met me, we hang out, we grew up together, we've slept together, we robbed that bank in Lincoln (THEY'LL NEVER GET US ALIVE!!), we found that alien spacecraft that gave us magical powers for a day, and sent us back to 1985 for a week; then you all know that I hate actually taking a serious stance towards anything opinion related. You may or may not have read my other blogs and postings, and should be able to see that.

However, recently I have been seemingly thrown in the mix of a large battle of who's who and what is what in the porniverse. "He's a straight guy taking our money" "He's a gay guy taking our money" "He's fucking my mom" "He can be my Daddy" "He's an alien"... yes, I've heard all of these over the last week and a half regarding me. It really just makes me laugh.

So, with that note, I would like to actually take my stance:

I Fuck, on Film, because I LOVE SEX. I can't get it enough. I can't tell you all enough that SEX IS NOT DIRTY. I mean, dirty sex is awesome. But SEX IS NOT A SHAMEFUL ACT. No matter who it with.

Now, I am as safe as I can be when I have sex, personally, and even more so professionally. I will be addressing this more in a more public and professional forum, for not only the people reading this to hear and see. But, for now, do not think that I do one over the other because I am more shameful of one over the other. I am not. If I was, you can be damn sure that I WOULD NOT BE DOING IT ON FILM AND THE INTERNET FOR ALL TO SEE. Come on now, really? I don't want to say "Look at me, you think that I'm doing this because I have to?"

Now, no matter what I say, or do, or act, or believe, these are my personal opinions and beliefs and convictions. There will always be nay-sayers and critics. I'm sure that this will incite a small amount of commentary on how I was better off and happier fat, voting republican, living next to the Mormon Temple in Denver, molding the youth of America, taking my heroin and drinking myself into oblivion. Because I exhibit all such signs in my performances.

Just as I have my beliefs and opinions on certain subjects, you have yours and I respect that.

I did not start this blog to force my opinions and beliefs on you all.

I started this to be a somewhat comical relief from your day, through various personal stories, experiences, some minor beliefs, as well as the ludicrous overheard commentary and belief of other pertaining to certain subjects. I moved to LA to get out of the small-sheltered-conservative town. In doing so, I was exposed to such comedies of life as the traveling experiences, the segregation of ideals and people because of their personalities and lifestyles. In every other aspect of your day and life, you have some depressing, bullshit glamour story shoved down your throat by media and "News". If I didn't and you didn't believe this, then you wouldn't have commented on everything via twitter and any other social networking site.

Your commentary is what inspired such postings I have made. Yes, I deal a bit personally with traveling, hence my Traveling 101 blogs. But many of my quotes are from fellow travelers. My "deal breaker" list, while yes has a list that I compiled years ago, and personal experiences recently, was also due to an influx of people and their resolutions on Facebook for 2010.

But, now I am rambling, and attempting to justify myself. I know me. I don't care what you assume of me, because 95% of the time, you're fulfilling the "Assume Prophecy". But that is your right to assume certain things, and you're going to assume them regardless of what you don't know. I have never kept anything quiet regarding anything I have done, in my past, with my future, my current projects and my stances and beliefs But it doesn't actually matter what I say, because people will still accuse me and others because of what we do, where we are, what we've done and what all everyone has seen. People are doing the same things to many of my friends in the industry that do not deserve the same negativity and slanderous remarks because of what was heard from others. But regardless, everyone will say what they want, and believe what they will. Unfortunately, I let my ego take over for a day, and that turned into a week of feeding into and playing along with all of the controversy. In all honesty, I should have left well enough alone.

Maybe one of these days I really will "Buckle down" and "Get serious" and give you all an in depth look and bio into me, and my head. But, let's be honest, most of you don't really care, you just want to laugh with me, or at me, but especially cum with me. I'm not saying this to be mean or condescending or uncompassionate. I'm simply stating that the in depth bio to me, is really actually not that interesting and will probably simply bore you all. 

And, on that note, I officially announce: I am a Necrobeastipedopheliac. I only get off using a dead kitten.

If you honestly believe that, please remove yourself from society.

Kisses

JB